The video is a combination of streams, and lamentably, the quality is not good. Sound is all over the shop. For a large part of one of the streams, the camera on my shoulder is looking BACKWARD, so what you see is the things I’m walking away from. Hmmm … is cancer back there somewhere ?

I like to think it is.

I saw a young man being beaten today, 4v1. They were punching him in the face while he lay prone on the ground.

I didnt think, I just surged over, yelling. I liked that yell, if I’m completely honest. It was a yell of absolute authority. Like some kind of samurai. I know I sound like a dickhead saying that, but if you were there, you’d agree. All the people around were a bit amazed, I think. Why weren’t any of them yelling ?

I stormed forward, yelling “GET THE FUCK OFF HIM !! YOU DONT HIT SOMEONE ON THE GROUND !!”

The aggressors scattered, and police arrived a few moments later, to little effect, regrettably. The victim apparently didnt want to press charges, he just wanted to get away from there. Apparently he had “looked at them wrong”.

When I yelled, it was …like the voice of your father, catching you doing something shameful, something profane. There was power in it, I think that’s why they ran away. I have no illusions, I know they could have turned and beaten the shit out of me as well. Or could they ? I know one thing – I wouldn’t just lie down for them.

It’s funny, I appall violence. It is disgusting to me. Dirty and sick. Sad and shameful.

And yet, when I stand up. Stand up firm, strong, I feel something. Maybe it’s just that manly thing, that ape thing. That readiness to do what you have to do in the face of a violent aggressor. At least in my case it’s righteous. Those guys really were scumbags.

In the stream I reflect on that. Part musing, part rant. Just processing what happened.

The thing is – that dark act, it darkened my outlook. Darkened what I had to say. The message.

It’s like cancer. Spreads. Grows.

I’m believing more and more that darkness, hate, xenophobia, fear, isolation, anxiety – all those negative energies are a concrete and measurable force in our world. Hard to see and measure, sure, but existent, real, something tangible. And I’m further seeing that kindness, compassion, courage, decency, humanity, honesty, vulnerability – all of those things .. counteract them, those positive things also spread in the sharing.

I think the seesaw in our society is out of whack, the balance is wrong. There’s more dark than light, if I’m honest.

But we can change that.

You and me.

It applies at the personal level, the culture level, religiosity, at the national and global level. We need to embrace our neighbour. Share, be honest. Teach, accept, learn, grow. If we can do those things, we can save ourselves, our children and our world.

I think my experience with cancer has taught me that.

The darkness, it doesn’t have to win.

Anyway, I met some truly awesome guys later, funny as hell. Charming even. Young, but marked by suffering, I think they had their own measure of empathy. Wild, frenzied almost even, but good. Looking for truth, looking for meaning. Seekers. Haha, I truly enjoyed them. I’d like to see them again one day.

They called me “Military Santa”

Haha.

I like that. I may even need to do a brand change 🙂

I’m still pretty bad at the streaming. Not just the recording of it, but knowing WHEN to record. I think I should just try and do it naturally, be myself, as if I am recording an adventure for myself and my family (and accept that in this case, I’ve just open my family to include you as my wider family).

That way the pressure is off. I still want to do a good job, but I don’t have to stress out so much or worry about what I have to say, whether it has value, is entertaining. I can just be me.

I made my first friend in years, yesterday. DAMO !!!

Met on a park bench, passed the time chatting for something close to 3 hours, I think. I’d intended to walk around as Captain Australia promoting the charity, but I wound up sitting and talking. I hope my BIG WALK turns out like that. Sure, walking, adventure, seeing new places – but I hope I bumble along and meet people like Damo, hear their stories.

I just regret being too shy to ask if I could turn the camera on, if I’d done that, you’d have gotten to enjoy some insight, comedy, sad history, hope – anyway, met a lovely bloke who I count as a new friend.

Before that, I was invited to meet an oncology mum’s support group. What wonderful people. I was the only male in attendance, it was all this beautiful feminine energy, geared toward helping each other (and their families) move forward through the most horrible of adversaries. They gave me a cap afterward, as if I’d become a surrogate member of their tribe: I will treasure it, and wear is as I go about my day-to-day life. Such lovely people. But their stories are private, so I’ll keep them to myself.

So I didn’t do much to promote the charity, but EVEN SO, this beautiful, glorious human pulls over in her car, gets out, hugs and has kind words with me. We talk about my story, my goals, and we both start to cry a little bit. Why ? Because she donated FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS to The Kids’ Cancer Project.

That means 100 hours of research into the science behind the disease – the types of cancer that specifically target kids.

That might not have happened if not for my BIG WALK. I’m delighted by that.

My BIG WALK is healing. I’m getting better, coming alive in ways that I couldn’t have anticipated. Overcoming horrible pain, suffering and darkness. And pure truth: “Kindness is the cure to suffering”. But it’s not my own kindness that’s healing me, it’s these waves of wonderful kindness from people like Debbie (that was her name)

Instinct told me, ten months ago, that I’d be dead in the next few years if I didn’t FIGHT. Inspiration told me to reach into my past to empower my future. To try again the BIG WALK that saved my life as a child. Courage told me to make it BIGGER, in every sense: longer (Melbourne instead of Sydney) and theatrical (to help an important charity: The Kids’ Cancer Project).

And I feel so blessed, so very blessed. It’s working.

I’m coming alive again.

Just a quick post advising that tomorrow (16 October) I’ll ride a train down to the Gold Coast early in the morning, and spend the morning trying to give 100 Hugs, to honourably complete the DAILY DONOR DARE OF DOOOOOOOM! made by Katy a couple of days ago.

These Dares haven’t really taken off, I guess they were my way of:

a) showing commitment to the charity

b) lightening what is a very grim topic, making it more accessible and a little bit fun

c) adding some awkward and cringey entertainment to the whole spectacle, heh

So tomorrow I’ll be wandering the Gold Coast trying to coax people into a HUG. It’s actually a really challenging dare because:

a) I look like an absolute weirdo

b) even in the best conditions it’s weird & hard

c) COVID and social distancing add an entirely new layer of hesitation to the dynamic

But, Katy’s DARE becomes my DOOM, I’m completely on the hook for it.

All for The Kid’s Cancer Project, you can donate today !

Wednesday night, I woke at 2am with an AGONIZING cramp in my right leg. Just as I was drifting back to sleep, it struck again – worse than any leg cramp I’ve had before. Unlike normal muscular cramps they weren’t abating but intensifying.

Half an hour later, another one, this time in my right leg (which is actually usually a good sign it may not be DVT, which apparently is more likely to hit just one leg). I spent the rest of the night pacing, stretching, heating the legs, which felt vulnerable, sore, prone to a new attack at any moment.

Saw my doctor (great guy) in the morning, he ordered an emergency Doppler Scan (a type of ultrasound that looks at veins) to exclude a vaccination-induced DVT.

Turns out I’m in the clear – it’s just swelling and cramps, an uncommon but less rare (and not life threatening) adverse reaction.

Just bad luck, I guess.

So last night, another night of these TRULY AWFUL cramps, but they felt less severe (or maybe me just better at managing them). Over hydration, magnesium supplement, elevation – I think these helped mitigate the severity somewhat.

But I’ve lost two days of practice with my walking, talking, streams, dressing up as Captain Australia (the homebrand, boofhead superhero) getting ready for the BIG WALK (Brisbane to Melbourne 26.12.21) for The Kids’ Cancer Project.

I actually feel great in a way. I’ve been dealing with some pretty crippling chronic medical issues for five years now, not directly caused by the cancer, but by it’s treatment. Facial spasms and cramps, pain, lumps in the neck (accumulated fluid from underperforming lymph nodes damaged by radiation), thyroid damage, tinnitus (constant ringing in the ears, like ALL THE TIME, which I need mental discipline to zone out), loss of taste, hearing, vision issues, a whole laundry-list of stuff. And before I found my hope, these issues had cascaded, ganged up on me, and were slowly crippling me.

Now ? My reaction is annoyance at losing a couple of days prep.

I like that.

I think it’s a sign of mental health that you can take things in your stride.

Which is good, because I think it offsets the fact that dressing up as a superhero could arguably be taken as a sign that you’ve gone bonkers.

Haha.

Tomorrow, I’ll go down to the Gold Coast (not walking this time). Even if I still get some cramps tonight and my legs are still wobbly, I’m pretty eager to go ahead as planned. I’ll be visiting some mothers affected by childhood cancer, keeping the details quiet, but they wrote to me when they saw the TV appearances, asking if I could visit their group. I’m humbled and eager – anything I could do to bring even a small bit of light to these people, I want to.

Next week, I’m hoping the posters will finally arrive. It’s been a windy road. They’ll look like this:

It’s been a saga – because I did the layout, and I’m not a professional, so some of the file sizes, resolutions, etc needed fixing, and I asked a designer at the charity to help. The goal being to replicate the design and just fix some of the technical issues. More time lost, then I get this back. Maybe it’s objectively better, I don’t know. (I dislike it a LOT).

Anyway, it really took the wind out of my sails and slowed me down, and when I said I didn’t like it I ended up losing more time going through how necessary the changes were. It was my first bad experience in all this, up until that moment everything was optimism, and hope.

I’m realising I’m no longer built for Corporate Australia, if the borders re-opening don’t allow me to viably re-boot my travel insurance company, I’m going to have to be careful when looking for a job after I get back from THE BIG WALK.

I just did a walk along the river today, dressed as the homebrand boofhead superhero Captain Australia. All in preparation for Captain Australia’s BIG WALK (for The Kids’ Cancer Project). Primary goal was practicing the live stream, secondary is meeting people and being a walking billboard for the charity, hopefully garnering donations/support from the public.

I’m actually much happier with the quality of the streams now. Still far from perfect, and my long rambling chats are probably not helpful – but in terms of the quality of the vision and audio, it’s getting there.

On Saturday, I’ll attempt to live stream another DAILY DONOR DARE OF DOOM (Hug 100 people!).

All for The Kids’ Cancer Project.

I’m a little too ‘under the weather’ at the moment for story-telling, I had a big night last night with a dear old friend. (“Old” both literally: he’s an old fart like me, and figuratively: we’ve known each other since we were children). It was lovely to catch up, we haven’t seen each other since COVID hit.

As King of the Brilliant Idea (seriously, I have a crown and everything), for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to take the Captain Australia gear with me (heavy) and change into it in a public place afterward (risky, difficult).

I love these new little challenges that have creeped into my post-cancer life.

But I’m not Deadpool, and even HE struggled to do a uniform change-up, simultaneously proving that it’s waaay harder than it looks – and that the superhero-ducking-into-a-phonebooth trope is absolute shullbit. (I’m trying to reduce my use of profanity as much as possible).

Streaming is a great format, because it’s *BANG* Go! By default it puts you in a position of having to speak truth (or have very well prepared and practiced lies), so in one sense streaming while drunk may even be a great idea because: you speak truth.

I’m pleased that, incoherent rambles aside, my main messages were Hope, Healing, Helping.

As it will be in Captain Australia’s BIG WALK, The Kids’ Cancer Project was in the front of my mind, even when I was deep in my cups.

Anyway, I share a video of the streams taken last night in case it is amusing or illuminating.

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. But it can also trigger a need for about $1000 in therapy sessions. But either way, I’ll share this story using the vision that I take in the Facebook live streams.

It will speak for itself.

So a lovely donor “Liz” dropped some money on the charity but also chose to SUPERVILLAIN UP! FOR SCIENCE !! and give me one of these DAILY DONOR DARES OF DOOOOOM!

I was pretty chuffed to be honest. Cancer is a grim topic. My recovery from cancer is a grim topic. Paediatric cancer is the GRIMMEST topic. So it’s nice to have a bit of fun, soften the mood a little bit. Lean into the adventure and hope of Captain Australia’s BIG WALK.

I’d only had two very brief dares up “SONG UR PLAYLIST” and “RUN FATTY RUN”, and this, lucky number three was somehow more insidious and super-evil than the others “SKIP”.

Doesn’t sound so bad, right ? She just wanted me to skip 300 metres. No worries !

But me, boofhead that I am, decided the spirit of it was to crank up the difficulty. So I was required not just to skip, but skip through the beating heart of my city’s CBD at peak hour. My thinking being that Liz was kind enough to donate, I should go full-throttle Deadpool and make MAXIMUM EFFORT.

So I did.

But honestly, I was wetting my pants, at the start, doing it, and for a little while after. It was insidious, really, getting this bumbling old fool, dressed as a superhero, to go skipping around, his still-large belly jostling and jiggling.

I made matters worse by singing “tra la la la” and then, when the stares got under my skin “Go about your business !” “Nothing to see here !” “Perfectly normal man having his perfectly normal morning skip !”

(Somehow that made it even worse, heh)

Anyway, videos of the Skip Saga below, with fond thanks to Liz for her support.

After the psychotic episode… er… ahem .. I mean … Skipping Adventure … Captain Australia set the camera up over his shoulder for more practice with streaming, and rambled incoherently on his way to the dentist.