May | 2022 | Captain Australia Online (and THE BIG WALK)

I think I’m suffering from Frodo Syndrome.

(I thought up the name myself – but probably it’s already out there)

After completing my Mad Quest, after succeeding in the ways that mattered to me, growing, getting stronger, discarding pain and sorrow … I’m home now, with my family.

But I’m just kind of meandering around. It’s been two months now.

I’m still active, I still DO thing – at the request of a nambour policeman, I visited a PCYC group trying to help at-risk teens to find a better path. These kids have exposure to domestic violence, substances – and I dressed up as Captain Australia and went and spoke to the group.

I talked true, and I think I did a good job, and I got good feedback after – that the girls (it was an all-female group) felt that a lot of what I had to say resonated. I guess because I came from a similar dark domestic background, but somehow found a path to escape. We spoke the same language.

I walk around my suburb, in my magic “Coota Coat” given to me after I crossed the border into Victoria .. my feet hurt, I’ve probably done some permanent harm …

But most of all, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to DO.

So I keep resting, eating, lazily sitting around having fun with my family. I’m not unhappy, but after walking down the east coast of Australia dressed as a superhero, after my strange and wonderful pilgrimage … it just feels .. I don’t know. Quietly distressing ?

People write to me and tell me they were inspired by the walk. I get to do video calls with people like my friend Archer, a little kid confined to Westmead Hospital in Sydney for cancer treatment. I love making him smile.

But in it all, I just .. part of me is still out there on the road, calling to me. I guess there’s part of me that wasn’t satisfied by the Quest, and wants to do MORE.

I’m not even sure exactly what I’m trying to say. No worries. I’m happy. I’m healed. I’m transformed from where I was a year ago .. broken by cancer. I’ve moved past that. I leveled up.

But somehow I feel like there’s something more I’m supposed to do – and yet most of my concerns are mundane. How to get in front of the mortgage again. How to knuckle down and stop sitting around and gorging. (Being 50+ and with a thyroid problem, I’ve started gaining weight again.

I am having fun pulling together the videos and images and writing up the story of the BIG WALK in a journal format (click on the image to the left and you’ll go to the JOURNAL page, which has a day by day breakdown).

I just feel like I’m doing poorly at a lot of things, instead of great at one or two things – maybe that’s the disturbing difference. When I was walking, I had one concern – moving forward. I was healing myself through ordeal. But now .. no ordeal .. no healing .. just ….. life.

I’ll figure it out, at least it’s an optimistic and happy life for the most part, just feeling like a bit of a hot mess ! (haha)

I’m not a web developer, in fact I’m an absolute boofhead.

After completing Captain Australia’s BIG WALK (Brisbane to Melbourne 26/12/21 to 19/3/22), I’ve been resting and recuperating these past two months. Trying to figure out ‘what next?’.

I still don’t have the answer. But the walk was an ordeal, and it taught me a great many things. That suffering isn’t the end, and that it can be illuminating .. purifying. My suffering in the walk was necessary, it brought me to a new level of joy. Thanks to my pilgrimage, I’ve been able to put cancer behind me.

So do I put the uniform in the cupboard and move on with my day-to-day life ?

I’m not sure. I don’t know how much time I have left, but I’ve realised I want to be righteous, hopeful, truthful. I want to make my life and the wider world BETTER. I don’t think I’m done with suffering and self flagellation, I think I’m up for more challenge, I think Captain Australia has more work to do.

For now – that work is documenting the 84 days on the road.

I did all these messy live streams and photos on facebook (@CapsBIGWALK), but it’s a chaotic jumble. I really had no clue what I was doing. My main motivations were to raise money for the charity (The Kids’ Cancer Project) and to leave a living diary for my children, in case I didn’t survive my own cancer. So I was trying to record it all, trying to talk true, reflect on who I was and what mattered, so I could leave that for my kids. But it was a jumbled mess.

So I’m going through, compiling it, and re-telling it here, in the CABW 84 Journal. Breaking it down day by day.

But I’ll try and get into the daily blogging as well. Until I figure things out, here is a gallery of photos from my BIG WALK.